Showing posts with label spirit guide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spirit guide. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 18, 2025

On Dreams, Auditions, and Anarchy



She arrived precisely on time—heels tapping out composure across the polished stone floors, her suit the soft grey of storm clouds before a downpour. Mid-century elegance wrapped around her like armor: precise, expensive, and quietly defiant.

The lobby was too clean. The kind of clean that made her want to smear fingerprints on the glass just to prove she existed. Two women, tight-lipped and silk-bloused, came to collect her.

“They’re ready,” one said.

Were they? She wasn’t.

A shadow walked beside her,

the person who came with her. She didn’t know who they were, only that they stayed close, like grief or memory. Silent support or silent judgment, she couldn’t tell.

They led her to a small set. Lights glaring. A camera already rolling, red light blinking like a quiet warning.

She hadn’t been called in yet. No cue, no action.

And yet she began.

Mimicry first, exaggerating the teacher’s clipped tones, the theatrical hand gestures, the superior tilt of her chin. A cruel little puppet show. Their mouths fell open, their perfectly painted lips trembling with silent protest.

Then came the collapse.

Tears without warning. She folded like paper, knees to floor, sobbing, “I just want to go home,” her voice cracked with a grief so real it painted streaks of black down her face. Her makeup wept with her.

Before the sympathy could settle, she erupted.

“I HATE THEM ALL WITH THEIR SLOBBERING GREEDY MOUTHS AND THEIR RANCID SOULS!” She flung her arm toward the teacher and assistant like Moses parting a sea of rot, as if she could ward them off or curse them with a gesture.

A breath. A drop in pitch.

“But I can’t kill myself,” she whispered, trembling. “I’m too much a coward.”

Then came the grin.

“Or maybe I will,” she continued, eyes gleaming through tears. “And they’ll find my bloated corpse crawling with flies and bursting with maggots. And my spirit—” she paused, smiling wider “—my spirit will be hovering nearby, just waiting to give one of them a swift kick in the ass so they fall headfirst into my putrefaction!”

The teacher gasped.

The assistant covered her mouth.

She ran straight to the camera, flipping both middle fingers, screaming with laughter:
“FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCKERS!”

Then she stopped. Composed herself. Straightened her collar.

Turned to the teacher and asked politely, “So, did I pass?”

The silence buzzed.

The teacher’s voice trembled: “I don’t know whether to pass you, have you committed, or give you a job.”

She looked dead into the lens and smiled like it was a punchline.

“I’ll take one and three. I’ve already done two.”

Thursday, March 25, 2021

Break The Rock


 

 As I lay in half sleep, listening to her voice, she said with a Russian accent angrily, "Who is this person who is so bad that you hate her so much? Why? Why do you hate her so much? What has she done that is so terrible? Is she a serial killer? Does she steal? Does she lie? Does she abuse children? Why do you hate her so much? Why?"

I thought back, "She lies a bit about some things. She has stolen a few things when she needed them and had no money. She's never killed anyone and she's never abused her daughter."

Again in her deep voice she said, "Why does this person not deserve abundant material wealth? Why does this person not deserve to be healthy? Why does this person not deserve to be sound in her mind? Why does this person not deserve all of the good things that the Creator has made for her?" 

I thought back, as if stuck in a horrible loop, "Because I hate her."

Angry again, the voice yelled, "WHY? WHY DO YOU HATE HER?!"

I had no answer. So, I lay there miserable wondering why this angry Russian woman was questioning me so harshly. 

Minutes ticked by ever so slowly. I don't know if I was waiting for her to begin again or if I was trying to go back to sleep or if I was continuing to try to justify hating someone I had no real reason to hate.

She came back with a boom in my head," Let me tell you why you hate her. You hate her because you mother taught you to hate her when she beat you and cursed you. You hate her because your father taught you to hate her when he beat you and said those cruel things to you. You hate her because your grandfather taught you to hate her when he said he loved you and violated your body when you were such a small child. You hate her because the men told you to hate her when they raped you. They told you that you deserved it and that you really wanted it. You hate her because you have never found a safe place for your heart in this world which can be so cold and soulless. You hate her because she is you." 

And then she showed me the image of my hate in a place in my mind in which it floated. It looked like a rock suspended in water or jello. The color was grayish black and from behind the rock there was a glow of reddish pink shots of light interspersed with dots of white. As if it were set against a backdrop of spiritual fire and sparks. 

This is what she told me and this is what she showed me. I am waiting for her to come again. I am waiting to break the rock.